Fine print · FFS Air

Section 1

Baggage policy

Personal item: goes on your lap.
Carry-on: also goes on your lap.
Checked bag: we will check it. It's still on your lap. Checked.
Oversized items: no. Not even a little bit. Weight & balance is a law of physics, not a suggestion.
Golf clubs: you're thinking of a different kind of airline.

Section 2

Fee schedule

Fees are not collected. They are, however, judged.

Item	Fee
Seat selection	$0 (there are 4 seats, relax)
Asking "are we there yet?"	−500 FFS Points
Asking "are we there yet?" a second time	Pilot sighs audibly
Touching any knob, switch or lever	−50,000 FFS Points
Touching the red knob	Lifetime ban
Bringing gas station sushi	Walk home
Changing destination mid-flight	Depends on mood
Complimenting the landing	Free upgrade (emotional)
Bringing the pilot coffee	Priority boarding forever

Section 3

Cancellations & delays

FFS Air reserves the right to cancel or delay any pretend flight for reasons including, but not limited to: weather, wind, fog, low ceilings, high ceilings, crosswinds, the pilot's mood, the pilot's back, a good game on TV, Indiana, and "just not feeling it today."

Refunds are issued in the same currency you paid in: lunch you didn't actually buy.

Section 4

Safety briefing

Seatbelts: it's a seatbelt. You've seen one. Keep it on.
Exits: there is one exit. It's the roof. The canopy slides back. Do not slide it back in flight.
Oxygen masks: none. We stay low enough to see the Walmart.
Water landing: we're in Indiana. Where would we even find the water?
Electronic devices: use them all you want. Nobody has signal up there anyway.
Sick bags: located in the seat pocket. Please use them. Please.

Section 5

Passenger conduct

Passengers must remain seated, quiet during radio calls, and impressed during landings. Backseat drivers will be asked to hold the chart. Upside down, if necessary.

Section 6

Lost & found

Currently holding: 3 sunglasses (all the pilot's), 1 half-eaten granola bar (2024), 1 stuffed tiger (not lost, he lives here), and a lot of dignity.

The real part

FAA & legal disclaimer

FFS Air ("For Fuck's Sake Airlines") is a parody website made for a group of friends to have a laugh. It is not real.

FFS Air is not an airline, air carrier, commercial operator or charter service. It does not hold, and has never held, an FAA air carrier or operating certificate (including under 14 CFR Parts 119, 121 or 135), nor any U.S. Department of Transportation economic authority. It does not offer, advertise, sell or book flights or air transportation of any kind to anyone.

Nothing on this website is an offer of transportation. No information entered into the "booking" page is sent or stored anywhere, and no payment is requested or collected. Any "boarding pass," "ticket," "confirmation number," flight number or barcode produced by this site is fictional, generated for entertainment, and not valid for travel or for entry to any airport, ramp or secure area.

FFS Air is not affiliated with, sponsored by, or endorsed by the Federal Aviation Administration, the Transportation Security Administration, the Department of Transportation, Indianapolis Regional Airport (KMQJ), the Indianapolis Airport Authority, or any real airline. Airport codes are used only as place names.

Any real flying among friends happens privately under 14 CFR Part 91, is arranged in person rather than through this website, and is not offered to the public. Testimonials on this site are jokes written by and about friends. Please don't take any of this seriously, except this box.

The fine print.